Discussions We Should Have More: Do We Talk Enough About Sexual Empowerment ?

In this day & age, where sex, gender, sexuality are evolving & being talked about more openly, there still seems to be a need for discussions about ‘sexual empowerment’. When it comes to certain topics, we usually tend to shy away & sometimes even choose to ignore them, however, isn’t it important that we talk about topics like  ‘self pleasure’, ‘orgasm’, or even ‘erotic fantasies’? This concept is like an unknown territory that we seem to fear to tread in.

When we usually think about empowerment, we imagine stuff like ‘women empowerment’, ‘workplace empowerment’, etc. but how often do we consider ‘sexual empowerment’? Probably rarely, if ever.
Moreover, starting this discussion isn’t easy as people struggle to get past the taboos of simply talking about sex, ignoring the importance of the concept of empowerment, for every individual, whether they are straight or from LGBTQ+ community.

When we say sexual empowerment, it doesn’t mean that we want to promote sexual activity but rather promote values & ideas about positive self image, control over our bodies (autonomy), understanding our sexual needs & fantasies, accepting our bodies, loving oneself, understanding that we have the right to have or not have sex, indulging in self-pleasure, & so forth. It means loving & understanding your body & all of the amazing things it can do. Basically, to be able to love & respect our-self & our needs.

According to Amy Jo Goddard, sexual empowerment refers to “When we learn to deal with sexuality in deficits. What’s not there. What we don’t have. What we can’t be. What we can’t do. What we need to stay away from. I’d like to swing the lens around 180 degrees and take a look at what we DO want. What we CAN be. What we CAN have. What we CAN do. What types of lovers we CAN draw to us. What experiences we CAN create for ourselves. How we can EXPAND who we are exponentially when we develop, nurture, heal and explore our sexuality.”

Being sexually empowered is an important aspect of life of every human being. It helps us understand not only ourselves, but we learn to respect others, their choices and be more confident. But in this patriarchal society, we have been taught to suppress erotic & sensual feelings. This is true across genders, but overtly we have mainly seen women over the centuries being taught to shy away. And the societal response to the LGBTQ+ community is even more disheartening. Somehow, it is only by suppressing our true self that we would achieve respect in this world.  Over time, to maybe fit in, we tend to conceal these feelings and at great cost of our mental and emotional well-being.

India, the land of the “Kamasutra”, somehow still has a long road ahead, & the writings have so much more to teach us than just sex positions. It discusses how ‘kama’ or sex between consenting adults is important for a fulfilling life. It also appreciates every member of the community and their right to validate their love. It teaches us how both individuals contribute towards the love, it talks about consent, and desire.

More recently, our law from the colonial-era (1861), section 377 stated that intercourse ‘against the order of nature’ is punishable with imprisonment of up to 10 years with an additional fine. This not only affected individuals in the LGBTQ+ community, but also any individual participating in sexual activities that did not result in reproduction. After years of fighting against it, as well as countless years of back & forth, we saw a glimmer of hope when the Supreme Court of India finally scrapped the law on 6 September 2018.

However, a century of living under archaic laws like these as well as oppressive ‘social norms’ have led generations of individuals suppressing their feelings & less openness to changes as well as new experiences This has been detrimental for the sexual & mental well-being of generations of Indians. Moreover, removing these laws is only the start of the road, as we have to fight years of oppressive thinking patterns & find ways to sexually empower ourselves as well as those around us.

Attaining sexual empowerment, much like changing our laws, is going to be a long hard process, but all we need to do is start a conversation, be open to experiences and stories of others whose lives & paths are different than our own.
We hope you can join us in making our generation as well as the future generations more empowered and live in a world where one has the freedom to be true to ourselves.